Build Me Up

 

Hello friends.

I hope that your week is off to a good start!

Tonight, I started my Illustrator course! I have a bad habit of getting frustrated very quickly in these types of classes… I don’t want to learn WHERE the paintbrush tool is, I just want to USE it. And I want to use it perfectly on my first try. Is that so much to ask?

Ehem. Anyway, I’m going to try to cool my jets and just take things at a good pace in this class (which lasts for almost two months!) so that I can learn some fun stuff and use it to be a super crafty craftsman lady.

And now, let’s talk about toxins. The walking, breathing, speaking ones.

Have you ever been in the presence of someone who has wiped your energy dry? Like an emotional vacuum, they can suck a room clean of its vitality, personality and energy.

Until recently, I never truly realized the painfully evident changes that happen, even physically, when I am around these people. I start to feel tired, anxious, sluggish, sad, defeated. The list could go on and on. Unfortunately, limiting your exposure to these individuals is about as difficult as limiting your exposure to actual air pollutants; it’s nearly impossible. They are everywhere; these are the people we share the roads with, our co-workers, our bosses, our acquaintances (who come to find out, we have grown apart from in so many ways). Like running water seeping out of a cracked pipe, they seem to find ways to infiltrate our otherwise joyful days.

So what do you do when they start to get the better of you? In thinking about the meat of this post, I realized that when the going gets rough, I find myself returning, time and again,  to a few different ideas that I have found to be true.

1. It’s not you, it’s them. No really, it’s them. I think that this one is probably most evident in the workplace. I am NOT one for gossip, especially in the workplace. Of course, I would be lying if I said that I don’t occasionally find myself looking for the latest scoop, but trash talking irks me. It’s painful to the subjects, and toxic to the sharers. That being said, I have noticed something in life; if you have a legitimate issue with someone, particularly someone that you find to be inexplicably negative and toxic, chances are that someone else does too. Find peace and comfort in knowing that you’re not the weird one, you’re not the odd-man-out (even when it feels like it). Find someone you trust, whose confidentiality you can rely on, and talk about the issues. Even if you can’t come to an immediate solution, knowing that you are not alone is worth so much.

2. Never, ever stray from you. Just like you were advised to do when you were a child, always stay true to yourself. If you feel like you’re not fitting in, despite doing “everything right,” there is likely a very good reason. Use your discomfort to make a change, whether you speak up for what is right and fair, or just find a way to remove yourself from the stagnant waters to a place where you can thrive, listen to your feelings and don’t ever change to “fit.” Lately, I have discovered that people, especially 20-something millennials looking to fit-in in an overly-connected, overly-caffeinated world, will twist and turn in any way possible to impress. If owning a $500 leather handbag isn’t you, but anything else would be frowned upon by your co-workers, chances are…you need new co-workers.

3. Find your escape. For me, it’s Bryan and the little apartment home that we have created for ourselves. Knowing that I get to come home to a place of love, acceptance, goofiness and sanctity makes even the toughest days a little more palatable.

4. Speak up. This weekend, an acquaintance cut me off with “cool story, bro.” I called him out on it and how impossibly rude his outburst was. His response? “Yes, I can be very rude.”

I just don’t even know where to begin with that one.

Sadly, I bet he has been called out many times before, but don’t ever let anyone talk to you in a way that is unfair to you as a person. I cannot tell you how many times in recent days that I have heard “I can be rude.” or “Oh, that’s just insert name of asshat here !” or “I’ve never been mistaken for a warm person.” or “I’m just honest.” Those are excuses. Trust me, they are. They are excuses for bad behavior that people feed themselves regularly enough so that, eventually, they begin to believe them and believe that they are good enough covers for rudeness that they can continue on with their disrespectful ways. Always speak up.

5. Don’t let them ruin your spirit. This one is hard. I haven’t figured it out myself just yet, but my sister has a really great way of putting it. Whenever I am upset about someone that is particularly toxic, she tells me,  “don’t let them reach out of the mud to drag you in with them.” No one can make you feel any one way unless you give them the power to do so. Don’t give it to them. They haven’t done anything to deserve that special gift of power, so reserve it for the ones that build you up, make you feel whole, and add to your quality of life. Not the ones who are looking for ways to bring you down to their level.

So the moral of the story, I suppose is, you can’t always change the people that are around you. You only have control over you. Sometimes, the answer may be limiting your exposure, but other times… more often, if you ask me, I think the answer is adjusting how you react to the noise. Stay true to yourself, stay positive, and find the things in life that make it easier to be you. Happy, fancy, loving you.

xoxoxo

Bee