Moving in Together… A Story and Some Tips

This can be a touchy subject. Naturally, every single instance is different and you can’t possibly collect enough “evidence” to suggest one way definitively that you should or should not move in with your significant other. (Trust me, if there is a life subject that CAN be researched, I WILL research it. We call that #moderndayproblems. A girlfriend once attempted to block webmd.com from my servers.)

Before moving in with Bryan, I tossed the idea around between the friends that I trusted most. I knew in my heart that the decision was mine (there was a time when I needed reassurance and support for literally every single thing that I did, but once I grew up a little, I realized that before I could take “advice,” I needed to trust myself most of all). For the most part, they were supportive. My friends knew Bryan and knew that he was certainly a keeper. It might be for that very reason that the very few who raised concern raised it– because they had either heard or experienced “horror stories” of boyfriends and girlfriends moving in together and they didn’t want to watch my happiness dissolve because of a rash decision.

I assure you, it was not a rash decision.

Months after having my Monica moment,  I think I explained the whole thing pretty well. This might seem a little… negative (?), but basically, I knew that taking the leap to moving in with Bryan was going to be a sink or swim decision. We were either going to love being together 24/7, or we would decide that our lives weren’t quite compatible and we would likely go our separate ways. Well, shock of the century, I was pretty darn sure that it wouldn’t be the latter. (In fact, if there were even a whisper of that sort of doubt in my mind, I don’t think I would have done it.)

So here’s the gist of my story:

+ We moved in “early.” It was less than one year in and apparently, that’s not super common anymore.

+ Bryan is my best friend and I knew that we’d be just fine. We would figure it out together and I was confident that we could do that amiably.

+Both of our families were totally onboard. (I know this is a big thing for some people. Fortunately, we were lucky enough to have the blessing of both of our families .)

+We both wanted it. It wasn’t the solution to a problem, it wasn’t to appease, it wasn’t to “play grown up.” We were both in 101%.

So that being said, it was a pretty easy decision for me, but only you will know what’s right for you and YOUR special friend. Below you’ll see my tips/ tricks. I am by no means an expert, but I can tell you for certain that when we do have our disgruntlements (?), it’s never about us co-habitating. It has worked out juuuuuuust fine for us.

So, now for the next part! (Please note: I use “he,” because I, personally moved in with a he. That is all.)

1. Ask yourself, “will he be okay with my obscenely expansive (almost embarrassing) collection of nail polish??”

Okay, this is half joke (seriously, I might have a problem. I could give the OPI headquarters a run for its money), but in all reality, we all have our things. If he collects matchbox cars and has them all over the apartment, will YOU be okay with that? If you like to showcase your twelve zillion nail polishes, is he going to ask you to hide that shit? You want your place to be YOUR place (yes, it will be combined, but you still need to be comfortable! —I, for example, took my display racks down and relegated my nail polish friends to a Sterlite container.) Compromise? Sure. Hide your true self and your interests? Not a chance.

2. Know what you need.

Fortunately, Bryan and I are pretty similar when it comes to the amount of “me” time that we need. I don’t need a ton of time by myself. In fact, I would rather hang out with him any day of the week than be alone. If you’re the kind of person who needs a good chunk of alone time, true alone time even without your SO around, take this into serious consideration. Once you move in together, solitude is a rare-itude.

3. Make time for catching up.

When I was a solo bird, living the lonely life, my friends living across the country basically became my virtual roommates. We would Skype/ FaceTime constantly, watch TV shows together and talk on the phone all of the time. Of course, once I was living with Bryan, that changed. My tip on this one is to make time for catching up with the ones you’re closest to. It’s no fun to find out months after the fact that you’ve dropped off of the face of the earth, and sometimes, when you’re the one living the life that’s changing so quickly, it’s not always easy to see that. Even though it might be tough in the beginning, (especially if you’re like me and move/interview/commute an hour and a half/ get a new job all at roughly the same time because you are INSANE), try to make some time for catching up. It is always time well-spent.

4. Consider: Will he still love me when he sees me like this:

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I like face masks. Some guys might find this frightening. Fortunately for me, Bryan doesn’t seem to mind.

5. Divvy up the chores!

This, right here, is my newest pride and joy:

 

Sometimes, when you grow up a little, you realize that asking for help isn’t the end of the world. SOMETIMES.

In my case, I have been known to take on WAY more than I can technically balance. Also weirdly, I love to cook, clean and organize. I find it relaxing and rewarding, BUT, I also work full-time (at a job that isn’t particularly relaxing nor rewarding) and that is impossibly exhausting. When you bite off more than you can chew and are also ridiculously reluctant to ask for help, you are asking for trouble. After talking with Bryan, we came up with this nifty little grown up chore chart to split up tasks and share some of the work! (Side note: I have heard WAY too many people say that apartments are “easy.” “What’s there to ‘take care of’ in an apartment!?” Short answer: a lot. When two people are living together, there are dishes, clothes, sheets, towels, dust and particle-y carpets. That’s all there is to it.) The chart above can easily be adapted to whatever needs to be done in YOUR place. Initial and date as you go and before you know it, bam. Workload = SPLIT!

6. Follow your gut.

So let’s get down to it. We all talk ourselves into and out of things… which direction are you leaning? Are your reasons good? Have you talked about concerns? Do you know who’s going to be doing the grocery shopping?  If you’re confident with your choice and can truly follow your heart towards living with your Batman. It just might be time to get your hands on that spare key!

That’s all for now, folkies!

xoxo

Bee!